What I Learned This Summer

Hmm. How do you start a post like this one? The first post you have written in over 4 months. The first post since you wrote about some struggles you were having. And then kind of left it hanging without an update.

I suppose you just do like you always do. Start writing.

Hi there. Happy finally fall. Praise the Lord, for real.

The elementary school that our oldest attends, is doing a massive construction and renovation project. Which means they let out on May 14. And they did not go back…………………til after labor day.

Folks. I am over the summer.

Look, I could try and be more gentle here. Talk about how we shouldn’t be sharing memes with moms doing dances after the first morning drop off of the year. That it’s not ok to long for the day when school starts. Well. I’m here to say, that is bull corn.

It is totally ok. It’s more than ok, in fact.

I can absolutely be excited to get into a semblance of routine and still be a good mom and still love my kids more than air. So don’t feel bad, no matter which side of the summer line you fall on. As I always like to remind you, this is a no shame zone.

Alright then.

So summer is out and thank goodness someone finally told our weather that. Now we ring in fall and those icky lattes that have their very own abbreviation. Which means it’s time to join Emily P. Freeman and talk about what we learned this summer. Shall we?

What I Learned This Summer

1/ It’s OK to take the easy road.

I have learned this lesson many many times in my life. First, it was in my mid to late twenties when I realized that semi-homemade is often as good as fully homemade. I do not always have to shuck 400 ears of fresh corn to make homemade creamed corn for 40 people. Seriously. Good quality frozen will be fine.

What I have really learned is that when I feel the pressure to be perfect, or not let someone down, I will destroy myself pulling off elaborate processes that are not necessary. They just aren’t.

This has obviously played out in cooking and such, but more recently I have found it vital to implement it in other ways. Namely commitments.

Do you know what the easy road is to commitments? It’s very simple.

No.

For me? I’m taking a year sabbatical from hosting any sort of shower at my house. Baby or wedding. This may be nothing for you. You may never have showers. My husband is a pastor and we have lots of friends in these exciting seasons.

Trust me, I LOVE doing it up for my people. Love it. But I need a break. So a year off.

It also meant not getting on the Facebook group for Elliot’s class last year. Hear me out.

I just could not add any other responsibilities. I know that I probably missed out on a couple things. But it was huge for me to not have any guilt over missing something. Which you can’t have when you don’t even know it’s happening. I know this one isn’t for everyone, but it was necessary for me.

I have also many others I am implementing right now. Why you ask? This post will shed light on it.

2/ I Can’t Always Fix It.

I hope you went and read the post I just linked. It’s all about the place I was in. Am in. Am in and out of.

I’m happy to tell you that I have made some steps forward. I definitely have. I have also had some frustrating windows where I feel myself sliding back to the hard place I wrote that out of.

What have I learned?

I can’t always fix it.

And I’m shocked. I can implement all the right things. I can pull my boot straps up as far as they go, but sometimes our souls have work that needs to be done, and “fixing it” is not on the agenda.

I’m learning that maybe it isn’t to be fixed. This is a work being done to our hearts.

So this is what I’m thinking these days. I can’t fix everything. But I do get to participate and try to make the ground fertile for this soul work that is happening. And honestly? I haven’t done enough fertilizing lately. But that’s ok too. I can do something better tomorrow than I did today.

3/ Acupuncture works.

If I had read those words a year ago, I would have laughed. Or cringed. But here I am a full convert. Or as converted as my budget will allow me to be.

I started going to see an acupuncturist in April. You see, I have early onset arthritis in my hands and chronic tendinitis in my wrist and forearms. In other words, I’m 80. Then there are the consistent or chronic headaches. I finally reached a breaking point and was so discouraged last spring.

I started acupuncture and it has taken time. But it helps. I was skeptical that it was placebo effect. Which honestly I was fine with. And then I missed 3 weeks and both issues came back with a vengeance. They were not totally eradicated but they were much better. So I’m a convert.

4/ Meal delivery services can be helpful.

Refer to number 1.

I’m not sure how much cooking I would have done the past couple months without the motivation of packages of food waiting to be cooked at my doorstep. Which if you know me, that would probably be surprising.

But with our summer schedule and everything else, it really was so helpful. And yes, it’s expensive. But we tweaked and made it fit for a short season. I feel great about it. I also feel ready to ease back into a regular rhythm again. See? It’s ok to take the easy road sometimes.

5/ Renovations are as hard as I thought.

I have done several large renovation projects and even did interiors as my first job when I moved to Kansas. However, it’s much different in your own house. Though we have done some pretty significant work, our current project is my first large scale project from the studs in my own home.

We have been renovating our master bathroom, and it has been a bit draining. Ok. Scratch that. The last 2.5 weeks of this now over 2 month project, has been draining. I’m at the end of my patience. For 2 weeks it has been sitting, waiting, on one little thing to be done and then we can move everything back in. All that will be left is little finishes. This is supposed to be the week.

We are incredibly grateful that we get to do this. I’m just so weary of stuff everywhere. You know that whole outer chaos is a reflection of inner chaos thing? It’s true.

6/ I need routines. But I’m not good at them.

For all of August, while waiting on the never ending summer to end, I craved routines and rhythms. I probably said it 100 times. “I just need to feel like we have a routine.”

And yet here we are, heading into week 2, and I can’t seem to figure them out.

What kinds of routines? What are the elusive rhythms I can create? I can want them, recognize I need them, and yet have no idea how to motivate myself to get started.

If you asked me a month ago, “what routines do you need that are missing right now?”, I probably could have listed off several. But something happens to me in the present tense. I lose all vision and just continue to flounder.

My husband thinks and operates in straight lines. Always. And clean desks.

I, on the other hand, think in similar fashion but operate like I’m weaving to dodge a bullet.

It’s taken me a long time to admit it, but it’s true. I long to be organized and disciplined and neat. How much of my life would be easier to manage if I was just freaking neat??

In response, I work hard at putting systems in place and constantly tweaking them to figure out how to operate in a better way.

I try hard. Real hard. If I’m honest with myself, I have come a very long way. Many people would probably think that I am organized and efficient. If I’m being more gentle with myself, I can sometimes kinda be those things.

But right now, I need to get a better grip on how to move through my days in a way that is sustainable and manageable. Because otherwise, I’m just grumpy.

Well. That is what I’ve been learning this summer. I’m grateful to be back here in this space and am excited to ease a little back into writing and sharing.