I have been feeling a little theme creeping up in some of my choices these days. Doing the things I thought I’d never do. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve seen a couple posts featuring gluten free or dairy free meals, which I still can’t believe are roads I am meandering a bit down. Just meandering. The second is waking up early and the crazy thing going on with my mornings the last month.

Specifically the fact that I am “rising up to meet” them.

I’ve had messages and texts about how I’m making it work. Probably because most people know that I am a hardcore, non-morning person. It made the shortlist of the things saving my life right now, and truthfully it’s the number one on the list.

But before we get into the nuts and bolts about how to make mornings fit into your real life, I’m gonna give you the backstory.

The morning after our wedding, Bret woke up and went downstairs to get breakfast at the hotel. We were gifted this amazing hotel for two nights in California, and he came back appalled at how much a bagel and yogurt cost.

Nonetheless, not the point. He sweetly brought me the breakfast at an ungodly hour of like 9:00am. I smiled, took a bite, and rolled over to go back to sleep for at least another hour. Probably a little confused and thinking I was tired from the wedding, he quietly took a book or something and went to do his own thing for a bit.

Later that day, when I got out of bed, he commented this, “I’m guessing you aren’t going to be waking up and getting out of bed with me in the mornings?”

Me? “Nope.”

And thus began the dance.

We would go on vacation and Bret would get up early, work out, read, have some quiet time, whatever morning-ish people do. I would sleep in and get up, get ready, meet him for lunch and begin our day together. Which worked for us.

Same routine for Sabbath and days off.

Until we had kids.

I could give a lengthy and embarrassing list of the issues, tensions, and hurts this pattern caused once we had the responsibility of sharing the load of little people in the morning. But I’m sure you can be a little imaginative here.

One of the interesting things, and most confusing to Bret, is that when I have a job or someone I have to show up for, I can absolutely get my butt out of bed when I need to. To him, this translates to this… “you can and so you should.” For me it’s more like this…”I have to, so I do.”

Meaning that for me it’s conditional on having to get out of bed for a purpose, not simply choosing to.

The truth is, Bret and I have more conflict than I can quantify about my indulgence with sleeping in and basically avoiding mornings. I’m cranky, hate getting up, use any excuse to get just a “couple more minutes.” For years I have known how hard this is on me and our family. This fact that I don’t discipline myself to get up and start my day from a peaceful place.

That it can make Bret feel taken advantage of and that he feels under appreciated. I feel yuck when I think about it because I have always known I make poor choices in this area. This isn’t one I was blind to.

Also, to clarify, I don’t stay in bed til lunch, I just don’t get up any earlier than absolutely necessary.

I’ve used excuses of being a night person. There have been real reasons like infants and active toddlers…and just life. Seasons of hard stuff that made the idea of taking on changing this part of myself seem so daunting.

And then there is the trying. I’ve set my mind to tackle it and succeeded for a day or 3 tops. Or my kids do that thing with their spidey sense, where they know I’m up and assume they are invited to the party too. Then I’m just mad and feel gipped. So I quit again.

The good intentions coupled with not being able to follow through have been embarrassing and defeating. You might think all this sounds crazy or ridiculous, but I have felt almost incapable of change. It is painful to feel like a slave to something so absurd.

Note this is not a new thing for me. I have always loved to sleep in. I take after my mom and my sister, darn her, takes after my dad when it comes to mornings. I’ve never desired to be a crazy early person, just not an indulgent, somewhat selfish person.

Please hear this. I’m speaking critically of myself here, not to self-deprecate, but to candidly share that what started as a nice luxury turned into a habit that wasn’t healthy and deeply affected the people closest to me.

Which leads me back to how it has affected my family.

Over the last 2 years, I have realized how poorly my day starts. My heart is angry simply that I’m awake. Small things like packing backpacks and dawdling kids can feel like some grave injustice, setting off a flare of irritation and reaction. Then later in the day, if I was trying to find some solitude or time alone with God, I’d be angry again, because everyone interrupts me…all the time.

And it was their fault.

Right.

Alright. So here’s the shift.

Somewhere in the last few months, a conviction began to grow in my spirit. Probably after yet another tension between Bret and me.

Deep in my bones, I KNEW this piece was something I needed to be sacrificial with. Then I read a devotion in Priscilla Shirer’s book, Awaken. It was the first day in the book and it was talking about our time we spend with God. This is what it said,

“I realize…that depending on your stage of life and your weekly schedule, your “morning” may occur at various, uncustomary hours of the day. But I’m convinced that morning is a principle, not merely a time of day. It signifies a position of priority, a place of preeminence.”

Freeing right? Yes, definitely.

But for me, a painful pressure built in my heart. I like to think of it as being tapped from the inside to get my attention. I instantly connected with mornings as my “position of priority.” Mornings are THE part of my day I place preeminence in.

Mornings, i.e. morning sleep, get my priority. They are preeminence for me. And I clutch them tightly, unwilling to share them. They are mine. Cold, dead, fingers kind of thing. I have been a slave to it’s appetite.

It felt like for the first time in a very long time, I needed to try again. I was desperate too. I had to.

The timing coincided with my friend Jess beginning a new early morning routine that had been game changing for her. Her husband mentioned it to mine who mentioned it to me. Which of course I already knew because, hello, best friends and all.

I explained how badly I wanted to try but that I couldn’t do it alone. I had to have help going to bed before midnight. Bret agreed to help us get to bed early. And I just jumped in. We were in bed that first night before 10:00 and lights off by 10:30. At 6:00am I was out of bed.

Phew. That was an explanation, right? I just felt it was important to understand how deep this crazy thing has been for me. Now that you do, how about we get to that nuts and bolts part I mentioned?

How to fit waking up early into your real life when you are a terrible morning person

First of all, there are many, many theories on how to take on waking early if you aren’t a natural early riser. If you can’t do it every day of the week, it won’t work…circadian rhythms and all. Or inch your way backwards, 15 min at a time.

I’m here to be a voice of reason. My inner cricket is doing just fine even though I’m not up early all 7 days a week. 4-5 has been totally ok. Sleeping in is self-care for this girl. And I don’t have the time nor endurance for the slow game. I’m more of a rip off the bandaid, chuck me in the deep end, kind of girl.

I just went to bed an hour and a half earlier and got up at 6:00am instead of 7:00. Which I realize is not crazy, but for this girl it’s nuts. The result? It changed everything. And I needed more time. I have been getting up at 5:40am which I think is my sweet spot. Everyone’s is different.

I encourage you to start with the gentle side of your ambition. For me that was 6:00. For you, it might only be 30 minutes early. You can always work even earlier if you want to. Just don’t set yourself up for failure by being unrealistic early on.

Step 1/ What do you want to accomplish in your morning?

How much time do you need to do it?

Step 2/ Pick your morning wake up time and your bed time.

You can’t have one without the other.

Step 3/ FIND ACCOUNTABILITY.

I’m going to make a side note below, because it’s just that important.

Step 4/ Set the stage.

Setting the stage for your morning should be part of your nighttime routine. This is crucial.

Step 5/ Pick a nice alarm sound.

Mine had the effect of a fire alarm, so I picked something a little kinder. I don’t do the whole, put it across the room thing, but if that works for you, go ahead.

Step 6/ PUT YOUR FEET ON THE FLOOR.

That’s it right? Easy, huh?

If only.

I wanted to quickly share my process and the side note on accountability.

WHAT MY MORNING ROUTINE LOOKS LIKE

Step 1/

I do not want to be productive, work out or get stuff done. If you do, cool. I want to have silence, solitude, journaling and prayer time. Also, time in my Bible. I want at least 50 minutes. At 40 minutes I was craving more, so 50 minutes to an hour is a great number for me. If spiritual stuff isn’t your thing, these steps are merely the framework.

Step 2/

My kids alarm is at 6:50, then we snuggle for 10 minutes. So if I want at least 50 minutes, I need to be sitting down by 6:00am. It takes me 15 minutes to do my waking up to settling in process. So 5:40 it is. I try to be in bed by 10:00pm and lights out by 10:30. I recommend setting a “go upstairs and get ready alarm” and a “lights out” one as well. Very helpful.

Step 3/

Ah Accountability. Listen up. If this is hard for you, and you are an “Obliger” like me, you need this.  I started on my own, and quickly my friend Amy asked if I could help her. So now we text briefly at 6:00am, a “good morning”, and it has been the thing to sustain some of the mornings. Now my friend Ashley is getting in on the party. I can’t say enough about the solidarity and value of knowing they are counting on me.

Step 4/

This might sound like a lot, but it is so systematic, it’s on autopilot. I also think it helps my brain recognize what is going on and why I’m doing this routine. Like muscle memory.

I set out my favorite mug and put my tea bag in it. I put water in the kettle on the stove and a saucer with a spoon beside it. Fill up a glass of water and put it in the fridge. I make sure I have some candles ready on the coffee table and the lighter there. My books and journal are on a tray I shove under the couch. Head to bed and lay my clothes out in the bathroom so I can sneak in there and get dressed.

Get in bed, read and sleep.

Step 5 and 6/

My alarm goes off. Here is a key trick. I force myself to not hesitate and put my feet on the floor. My mom has always said that “feet on the floor” is the hardest part. She. Is. Right. If I let myself lay there and ponder, I will either fall immediately back to sleep, or convince myself to.

Once I swing my feet over and sit on the edge of the bed, I am literally flooded with relief. It’s crazy. It’s like my brain says, “YES! You just did the hardest part. You made it again.”

Next I just walk to the bathroom, put on my clothes, wash my face and splash with cold water. Head to the kitchen and start my tea. While it heats up, I stare out the window and chug the cold water from the fridge. Bonus tip, my microwave has a nite light feature so I set it once and now it is always on when I walk into the kitchen. There is something peaceful about the dark kitchen with the slight orange glow.

All that’s left is heading to the living room and starting my time.

Sorry one more nugget. Do not get on your computer or your phone. If you have a friend you are texting for accountability, text and get off the phone. If you are tempted, put it elsewhere. If your routine is about getting work done…well, know thyself, ok?

It’s been a month and I still can’t believe it.

I can’t believe the change in me. Look, mornings aren’t the magic pill. But they are the secret sauce for me getting the solitude and time that my soul needs.

Talk about self-care.

I am a different human being. It has saved my parenting and much conflict with my husband. It is a literal gift to them. And the spiritual impact? Well, let’s just say the gift is all mine.

If you are reading this and rolling your eyes, that is totally ok with me. It really is. If you are reading this and have a new baby, just move on to this one and this one and ignore today’s post. I’m serious.

If you are reading this and have tried and given up on this one, I’d encourage you to try again. And if it doesn’t work, that’s ok. Grace and freedom, grace and freedom.

But I just want to say, that if you felt that knocking from the inside out like I did, maybe sit with it. Pay attention to it. In the Christian faith, we call it conviction. Because for me it isn’t about mornings, it ultimately isn’t.

It’s figuring out what works for my real life. And sometimes that means doing the hard thing.